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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26981860">After Hell</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worffan101/pseuds/Worffan101'>Worffan101</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alex handling trauma badly, Alex is effectively disabled, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Astra (Supergirl TV 2015) Lives, Disabled Character, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Astra (Supergirl TV 2015), Self-Hatred, Trauma, soft and gentle love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:20:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,613</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26981860</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worffan101/pseuds/Worffan101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This was supposed to be a longer fic but that isn't happening fast enough for my liking so this is just the important resolution.  </p><p>Alex was turned into a Metallo by CADMUS, and after having the Kryptonite heart and mind-control chip removed she's still having trouble returning to normal life.  Fortunately, Astra is there to take care of her and love her like she deserves.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Astra/Alex Danvers, implied Supercorp - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>General Danvers &amp; Supercat Week 5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>After Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this was supposed to be the climax of a longer fic, the gist of it is that Alex tries to save Astra from torture so they're both taken as prisoners to CADMUS, Alex gets Astra loose but can't get herself free for reasons, so she tells Astra to go get Kara.  Astra helps Kara try to save Alex, eventually switching sides while consoling Kara after the rescue attempt fails (Alex has already been moved).  Meanwhile Alex is modified with cybernetics and a Kryptonite power core, before being hooked up to a mind-control computer chip and sent to kill Alex and Astra.  Astra saves Alex and Kara (who Metallo!Alex has on the ropes) by laser-visioning the control chip from a distance, but Alex is left with motor control issues and trauma even after Lena Luthor does her best to fix her.  </p><p>So this is essentially Alex not dealing with things well.  </p><p>Call this days 1 and 2.  :)</p><p>Unbeta'ed.  Content warnings for self-loathing, implied unwilling experimentation, implied mutilation, and description of the aftermath of severe physical injury.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alex, when was the last time you went shopping?” Kara called from the kitchen. </p><p>“I don’t remember,” Alex muttered sullenly from where she lay against the arm of her couch, curled up under a blanket.  Astra watched her warily, Alex pointedly looking away as the movie (some romantic comedy on Netflix about two women trying to reveal their relationship to one’s overbearing parents) shuddered on pause on the television.  “A couple weeks ago?”  So it had been Astra who’d done the shopping for her, before being called away to deal with the ongoing hunt for CADMUS.  Astra and Kara tried to trade off taking-care-of-Alex duties, but it wasn’t always possible with how busy things had been lately, and Astra spent most of her shifts caring for Alex in person and ensuring that the Human got enough sleep and took her medication. </p><p>Kara’s sigh was, Astra estimated, <em>just</em> audible without super-hearing.  “I’m going to go get takeout.  And for future reference, Alex, milk isn’t good anymore when it’s two weeks past its sell-by date.” </p><p>“Still perfectly good…” Alex muttered as Kara grabbed her purse and shoes.  She was in a fine mood tonight, it seemed. Kara rolled her eyes at the comment. </p><p>“No, it isn’t.  Aunt Astra, watch her, please?” </p><p>“Of course,” Astra assured her.  Kara nodded and leaves, and Alex snorted with displeasure. </p><p>“I don’t need to be <em>watched</em>,” the Human grumbled mutinously. </p><p>“We only worry for your health,” Astra protested from her end of the couch. </p><p>“I don’t need to be waited on hand and foot,” Alex shot back with a glare.  Her voice cracked and she coughed spasmodically, then cursed. </p><p>“Do you want some water?”  Astra offered, slipping closer, reaching out to lay a hand on Alex’s shoulder before stopping herself halfway there.  “Your medication?”  </p><p>“I said I don’t need to be waited on!” Alex snapped, lashing out with a jerky motion.    Astra grabbed her reflexively as Alex nearly toppled to the floor. </p><p>“I only want to help you!” Astra retorted as Alex pulled away with a growl of frustration.  “Why do you always reject the aid of others?” </p><p>“It’s <em>not fair</em>,” Alex snarled, and Astra heard the pistons inside her arms tapping to the maximum as she clenched her fists.  “It’s not <em>fucking</em> right, me sitting here, <em>useless</em>, when Kara’s out there risking her life!”  She punched Astra’s shoulder, the blow rocking the couch, but without the Kryptonite heart Alex couldn’t seriously hurt the Kryptonian.  “You all treat me like a goddamn invalid, and yeah, I’ve got a synthetic heart now, but I can walk, I’ve got enough cybernetics in me that I probably qualify as a robot, I can and <em>should</em> be out there helping!” </p><p>“The best thing that you can do is stay safe until Lena has judged that you have recovered,” Astra retorted.  “We only wish for you to be safe, healthy, and happy!” </p><p>“Oh, <em>fuck</em> off!” Alex hissed through gritted teeth.  “Why are you even here?  You and Kara kept me alive and freed me from Lillian, I think that pays off your stupid Kryptonian blood debt.” </p><p>Astra wanted to snap back, but she couldn’t afford to feed Alex’s self-loathing at this point.  “Actually,” she replied as calmly as she could, “It more than did ‘pay off’ my debt to you.  I am here because…”  Well…she knew why.  She just didn’t want to admit it. </p><p>“What, because of <em>pity</em>?” </p><p>“No!” </p><p>“Or maybe to laugh at the cripple, huh, is that it?  You want sit there with your perfect Kryptonian face and your perfect Kryptonian eyes and watch as I totter around on metal bones because I’m full of more tech than a fucking computer and I’ve got more scars than hairs on my head, maybe feel some <em>sympathy</em> for the <em>poor clumsy Human</em>?” </p><p>“<em>No!</em>” </p><p>“Then <em>why</em>, Astra?  Why do you even bother with this, with me?” </p><p>“Because I want to,” Astra insisted. </p><p>“Oh, yeah, <em>that’s</em> a great reason!”  Alex stood, nearly overbalancing before Astra was there in a blur, holding her gently by the shoulders to keep her stable.  “Let go of me!  Why do you even <em>care</em>?” </p><p>“Because I love you!” Astra blurted out.  Alex froze. </p><p>There was no sound but the thunder of Astra’s heart in her ears, and the quiet whir of Alex’s mechanical replacement for her counterpart organ.  Then Alex huffed out a breath. </p><p>“That’s ridiculous.” Alex’s voice wavered as she tried to pull away.  “Why would you…how could you…” </p><p>“I do not know,” Astra admitted.  “Kara tells me that that is acceptable on this world.”  She shrugged helplessly.  “I want to be here for you, Alexandra, to hold you and comfort you and kiss you, and I do not know why.  Such feelings were…not acceptable on Krypton.” </p><p>“Fuck my life,” Alex rasped, stumbling out of Astra’s grasp and over to the kitchen island with awkward robotic steps.  “So that’s my fate, huh?  Being the obsession of confused aliens who just learned the concept of love?” </p><p>A flame of rage sparked in Astra’s core.  “I am not some naïve creature who must be hand-held through life!  I know what I feel, I know that I wish to hold you and gaze into your eyes as Kara and Lena do with each other, I <em>know</em> that I want to see you do the same to me.  I would spend the remainder of my life here with you, and damn the superhero business, damn the DEO, damn whatever cover identity Kara wants me to try this month!” </p><p>“That’s almost worse,” Alex chuckled morosely.  “Now I’m your first fucking crush.” </p><p>Astra was there in half a second, spinning Alex around and clutching the metal-boned shoulders as Alex gasped in shock.  “<em>And what is wrong with that?</em>” Astra choked out.  “You are loved!  You have me, and Kara, and J’onn, <em>forever!</em>  Why do you hate that idea so much?” </p><p>“<em>Because I don’t deserve you!</em>” Alex howled, shoving Astra back. “<em>LOOK AT ME!</em>”  She gestured up and down her body with metal-boned hands scarred from CADMUS surgeries, from the scars that now crisscrossed her face to the ruined mass of tissue and implant ports, barely visible through her half-open flannel, that covered where her heart once had been.  “I’m a <em>monster</em>, Astra!  I nearly killed you, I nearly killed <em>Kara</em>!  They turned me into this <em>thing</em> and I can never be <em>me</em> again!” </p><p>Astra pulled Alex close, one hand up behind the Human’s head.  “Your soul is yours, and that is all that matters.  What you did under CADMUS’s control is <em>not your fault</em>.  You <em>deserve</em> us, Alexandra, you <em>deserve</em> our love, do you understand?” </p><p>Alex’s breath caught, her arms coming up behind Astra’s back.  “I…you…”  Her eyes were wet with tears.  “I don’t understand,” she managed, voice cracking. </p><p>Astra stroked a hand down Alex’s shirt, gently tugging it aside over where CADMUS had cut out the agent’s heart.  Alex didn’t so much as twitch in protest.  “You would have given your life for me, for Kara, for both of us,” Astra whispered.  “This?  The scars they left you with?  They do not mar you, Alexandra.”  Astra’s thumb stroked gently over a lump of scar tissue as wide as a baseball’s diameter, Alex’s breath catching.  “I would kiss you here, if you allowed me,” Astra murmured.  “I would kiss every scar on your body to remind you that you are loved, if you would allow me.  Because every time I look at you, I am reminded of how beautiful your soul is, of how much I love you.”  She looked up into Alex’s eyes, her own vision blurring as tears slipped down Alex’s cheeks.  “I would die for you,” Astra vowed, “but I would much rather <em>live</em> for you.” </p><p>Alex lunged into her, and Astra fell back, catching herself on thin air as hot lips met hers.  Alex kissed with a savage hunger, sobbing desperately into Astra as the Kryptonian hugged her close.  Astra’s vision blurred to nothing as she was surrounded by the whole sense of Alex, the faint metallic scent that the CADMUS cybernetics had left the Human with, the sound of her breathing, harsh and ragged as she gasped for breath in between kisses, the muffled sobs coming from Alex’s larynx, the <em>click-click-click</em> of the metal and plastic that Lena had replaced Alex’s heart with, the rasp of cloth on cloth as their flannel coats rubbed against each other, the salty taste of mixed tears trickling into the corners of their mouths as the women reveled in each other, soft hands on Astra’s cheeks, the Kryptonian’s own fingers tracing over smooth scar tissue, legs tangling together as they descended slowly to the floor, the pistons in Alex’s limbs shuddering as she scrabbled at Astra’s red plaid top, tugging frustratedly at the buttons…</p><p>Astra pushed her back with a gasp.  “Wait!  Alexandra, are you sure that you want this?” </p><p>“I love you,” Alex rasped.  “I love you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being such a bitch, I don’t know how you can love me but I love you for it and I hate myself for being such a bitch, I’m sorry, I’ve been so angry, so confused, I’m sorry for hurting you, for hurting your feelings, I’m so, so sorry…” </p><p>Astra kissed her this time. </p><p>By the time Kara returned with two dozen orders of steamed dumplings from the new Tibetan restaurant down the street (“better than potstickers, Lena swears!”) and became theatrically traumatized, Alex and Astra had come about the gentle kissing in each other’s arms. </p><p>Astra counted it as a victory that it took her only half an hour to calm Alex down after Kara fled to Lena’s penthouse.    </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>That probably sucked and I'm super disappointed I only got like a fifth of what this was  originally supposed to be done, but please tell me what you think (including negative thoughts if this sucked, I can't get better without criticism lol).</p></blockquote></div></div>
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